What is the meaning of genuine love in Japanese Buddhism?

In Japanese, "Love" is part of Bonnou (煩悩), which means worldly desires. It does not carry a positive connotation. When I was young, my parents told me, “Don’t love someone who you want to get love from them. Your name Ai means love, but it means you give Jihi (慈悲).”

In Japanese Buddhism, there are five types of love:

1. Ai（愛）: Self-love, love for our family and Whanau

2. Shinai（親愛）: Love for community and society, including friendships and kindness

3. Yokuai（欲愛）: Romantic feelings toward someone

4.Aiyoku（愛欲）: Sexual drive toward a person

5.Katsuai（渇愛）: Dependency on a person, unhealthy love without autonomy and independence

These types of love are called ‘Bonnou’ （煩悩）because they can lead to emotional instability, addiction or dependence, and a loss of self-control and independence. Bonnou can destroy our peaceful minds and create pain. These forms of love are similar to a substance, causing cravings and urges that make us feel out of control. As a result, this love can make one mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually unwell.

Genuine and healthy love is Jihi (慈悲), which is the opposite of the types of love described above. Jihi means to love someone without wanting anything in return, similar to the concept of mushotoku (無所得) in Zen. It may sound difficult to put into action, but Jihi can manifest in very small to large actions. For example, if you see someone leave their phone on a table and you call that person, it is a Jihi action because it is purely an act of kindness without expecting anything in return.

I hope Jihi brings you happiness today.